New Year, Same Start: A Crappy John Cena Promo!
RAW started with a recap of last week's awful ending involving Kane and John Cena. John then graced us wit his presence. Cena welcomed everyone and wished us all a Happy New Year. He said he had some resolutions, including wearing less underwear, banning his dad from RAW, and to prove to The Rock that he lost his lady parts. He said one thing won't change. He's staying who he is. Guess that means more corny poop and underwear jokes like we've heard so far tonight. Cena went into the whole "You paid $$$ to say what you want blah blah blah." Cena said he will continue to enjoy any emotional response he gets. He thanked everyone. Kane's music hit. Kane didn't appear. He said that Cena can try to put off the inevitable, but sooner or later he will embrace the hate. And tonight, Cena will see the true meaning of hate. Yeah, what a great way to ring in the new year. A lame Cena promo. Survey Says: 1.5/5
The First RAW Match of the Year? Two Smackdown Guys
Cody Rhodes vs Daniel Bryan. Cody started with a knee to the head. Bryan countered with some kicks to the chest. Cody reversed it with a hard armbar. Cody started working over Bryan's left arm. Bryan reversed Rhodes with an elbow. He tried fighting back but Rhodes caught him with an upper cut. Bryan threw Rhodes out of the ring and caught him with a running knee. Back in the ring, Rhodes ducked Bryan off the top rope and caught Bryan with a Disaster Kick for two. Bryan, out of nowhere, countered a suplex attempt by Rhodes into a small package for the win. Kind of out of nowhere ending. Fun while it lasted, but not a lot to it. WWE has to be worried about Bryan's little crowd reactions. I blame Cole. Survey Says: 2.5/5
They replayed R-Truth's attack on Miz last week. Miz came into John Laurinaitis office. Laurinaitis called R-Truth's action unprofessional. Miz said that's all? Then they replayed Miz's attack on Truth. Laurinaitis said he will make sure people keep an eye out for Truth, especially tonight during his match with Sheamus. Miz said he's a sitting duck. Laurinaitis said it's better than being a lame duck. Miz left screaming. Then R-Truth appeared going "Quack, Quack." Ha. Funnier than Cena at least.
That Choo Choo Train Just Went Off the Tracks
Wade Barrett came out and his attack on Randy Orton was replayed from Smackdown. Barrett said he's not here to wish us a new year. Barrett said his 2012 has been great because there is no Randy Orton. Barrett said that Orton is in his past, and that his future includes winning the Royal Rumble. Santino interrupted. Santino said that he lasted longer in last year's Royal Rumble than Barrett, and he will again this year. And the Santino train will run over the Barrett Barrage: "Choo Choo." Barrett dominated the whole match: Punches, Crescent Kick, Winds of Change Side Slam for the win. Keep getting Barrett over. Survey Says: 2/5
Backstage, the Bellas were arguing in front of Miz. He asked if they had seen R-Truth. They hadn't but they did see little Jimmy. Miz said he was happy Alberto del Rio got hurt and walked off. Truth came out from behind a curtain after Miz left, looked at the camera, and said 'Shhhhh." Creeper.
It's Duck Hunting Season for R-Truth
Miz and Sheamus was suppose to happen, but Miz attacked Sheamus before the match started. Sheamus fought out of being tied in the ropes and hit his chest strikes on Miz numerous times. Miz escaped through the crowd but he was met by R-Truth. Truth said he met Little Jimmy, and Little Jimmy don't like Miz. Truth said Little Jimmy said Miz needs to get got. Miz came back ringside and ate a Brogue Kick. Truth then hit Miz with a water bottle. Truth walked back into the crowd and said this week's Miz beatdown was brought to you by Little Jimmy, when you're guaranteed to get got. He asked a kid, Little Jimmy, what that means. He said "Happy New Year Miz." There's some potential in a crazy face R-Truth character. Survey Says: 2.5/5
Dolph Ziggler was interviewed backstage. He called the people in Tennessee stupid, then got serious. He told everyone that they will want to hang onto their ticket stubs, because they will want to remember the time, place and date Dolph Ziggler became WWE Champion.
Backstage Zack Ryder was talking to Eve. Jack Swagger came in and said there is an impostor walking around with the United States Title. They wanted to fight, but John Laurinaitis came in and made a 6 man elimination tag for later: John Cena, Big Show, and Zack Ryder vs Kane, Mark Henry, and Jack Swagger.
Now This Is Good Wrestling
WWE Championship time. Really? After the in ring intro Dolph and Punk started with some amateur mat work. Punk hit a backbreaker. Dolph gained control in the corner. He connected on some punches. Dolph missed with a knee. Punk hit some consecutive leg drops for two then applied a sleeper hold. Ziggler countered out and caught Punk with a faceplant to the ropes. Dolph hit his standing elbow for two. Ziggler applied a headlock. Punk fought out and kicked Ziggler to the outside. Punk went for a dive but Ziggler caught Punk with a right hand. Ziggler dropped Punk on the apron for two. Commercial break.
Back from break Punk and Ziggler exchanged punches. Ziggler locked in a sleeper, but Punk countered out with a backdrop for two. Punk hit a leg to the neck of Ziggler. Punk charged at Ziggler in the corner but ate an elbow, but Punk countered Ziggler's charge with a scoop slam for two. Ziggler countered with a kick for two, then a face plant. Punk blocked a Zig Zag attempt, then hit a running bulldog. Ziggler countered a GTS attempt, but Punk locked in the Anaconda Vice. Ziggler tapped, but the ref was distracted by John Laurinaitis distraction. He wanted the turnbuckle pad back on. Punk shoved Ziggler into Laurinaitis. Ziggler went for a ZigZag, but threw Punk at the ropes. Laurinaitis pulled the rope down and Punk landed hard. Punk got counted out. Ziggler celebrated with the Title, even though he didn't win it. It was a fun match while it lasted. I take it we get a rematch at the Rumble with the false finish here. Both men were great here. Laurinaitis played his part well. While the false finish for this match is a bit of a let down considering the hype, if it leads to a PPV match I'm cool with it. Plus it is storyline continuation. Survey Says: 4/5
Another creepy video: "He Is Here."
The Bellas beat Eve and Kelly Kelly after Twin Magic, and one of the worst roll-ups ever.
Backstage, Punk intruded on John Laurinaitis and David Otunga. He said Laurinaitis has screwed him two weeks in a row, and this week it almost cost him the WWE Title. Laurinaitis said all that matters is that Dolph Ziggler has beaten Punk two weeks in a row, and he gets a WWE Title Match at the Royal Rumble. Laurinaitis named himself the special ref. Punk said Otunga would come in handy, because if Laurinaitis screwed Punk at the Rumble, he would be arrested for animal cruelty, because he will beat Laurinaitis like a bitch. OOOOOOO. Rumble bought by the way.
The End Begins, Like This?
Uh oh, it begins. The last creepy video aired. The camera shook, the lights went out, and Chirs Jericho returned. Jericho played the crowd for what seemed like forever. He ran up the ramp, high fived everyone, got the crowd to cheer. He ran up the stage, smiled, and just left. OK, it was a lot longer than I described, but there wasn't much to it. My two cents: It is setting up some kind of heel turn. It has to be. There is no other point to do that unless it is. I don't know how to rate this. You really have to W8NC.
Kane, Yeah Um I Got Nothing
Elimination tag time. Kane didn't show up. He's apparently not participating according to David Otunga. Cena and Swagger started with some mat work. Quick commercial. Back from break, Cena made the hot tag to Big Show. Show went for the KO Punch, but Swagger tagged in Mark Henry. Show and Henry went outside. Show hit Henry with a chair. I think both were eliminated via countout. So now it is 2-on-1. Ryder hit the Broski Boot and went for the Rough Ryder, but Swagger countered into an ankle lock. Ryder was able to tag Cena, who went into CENA MODE!!! Cena hit the AA for the win. Kane's music hit. He came from underneath the ring and attacked Ryder. Kane tried to suffocate Cena. Kane went back to the ring for Ryder. Kane tried pulling Ryder underneath the ring, but Cena saved him. Fire shot up from the ring to close the show. Why do I care about this again? Survey Says: 1.5/5
Lets address all the non-Jericho stuff first. The Punk/Ziggler match was fun. The non-finish is fine because it leads to a match at the Rumble. Anything involving John Cena and Kane was just dumb. I don't care why Kane wants Cena to embrace the hate. Too bad Cena didn't jump into that hole when the fire went off. I know they need to have Cena do something until Wrestlemania, but this is just terrible. All of the other stuff was just there. Nothing to any of it. Although I'm interested to see the wacky R-Truth face turn going forward. It has potential.
Now onto Jericho. To say his debut was different would be an understatement. Jericho pandered to the audience for what seemed like forever. He stood there and smiled and yelled, then he just left. Without saying a word. I was confused at first, but you know what? I think it was BRILLIANT. He came out and acted like a pandering babyface, and EVERYONE bought it. Why should you cheer him? He was a dick the last time he was around. Jericho played everyone who was expecting this big seismic return tonight. Instead, he just ran around like a goofball all night and worked us all. Jericho pissed off marks who were expecting him to come and save us all. Who were expecting him to come in and change the face of the WWE. You have to think Jericho knows exactly what he was doing. He's to the point now where he can book his own storylines. Jericho played the crowd like a babyface but did nothing to warrant it, and it was great.
I'm giving the show only a 5 though, for Jericho, crazy R-Truth and Punk/Ziggler/Laurinaitis stuff. Everything else was just there, and the Kane/Cena stuff is horrible.
And remember kids, it's the end of the world and you know it. Because the WWE is giving us a PPV match that we actually want.
Until Next Time,
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