Another week brings another LIVE RAW review. Already confirmed is The Undertaker calling out Triple H. Expect the full Wrestlemania hype to begin this week as well with new feuds beginning.
After recapping last week's RAW happenings, they cut to Eve and the Bellas talking. The Bellas asked if Eve was upset over what happened to Zack Ryder last week. Eve laughed, and said that her and Ryder were just friends. Zack never even got to first base! Eve said she used Zack Ryder, and now she has the big fish on her hook. That's John Cena. She asked the Bellas to film her going into Cena's locker room. She turned around and Cena was right there. He shook his head and walked off.
After the fireworks Cena came out to the ring. Before he could talk Eve came out crying. She said what he heard was taken out of context. Cena stopped her and told the audience he would give the cliff notes of what happened backstage. Cena said she was drinking the skank juice and was going to use her assets to further her career. That made him lose a broski for hoeski. Eve said that they were just joking around. Cena told her to hold out for the biggest fish, his WM opponent The Rock. He called her and Rock scandalous bitches. Eve broke down crying and threw herself at Cena. Cena backed off and said he's disease free and would like to stay that way. Cena walked off as a doctor and referees helped Eve to the back.
Segment Analysis: Cena actually had some pretty good zingers in there, especially with the disease line at the end. So is Eve a sexaholic? Or just some crazy psycho stalker bitch? That was so bad that you couldn't help but laugh. It furthered nothing but was hilariously bad TV. Survey Says: 2/5
I Guess It's Time To Make the Rumble Winner Relevant
Sheamus was introduced for his match with Mark Henry. Henry backed Sheamus into the corner and worked him over with some punches, then a clothesline. Sheamus fought back with a high knee then a boot to the face. Sheamus hit a flying shoulder tackle from the top and went for his rope punches, but Henry got out of it. Henry splashed Sheamus in the corner. He went for a second but Sheamus ducked and landed some punches and kicks in the corner. Sheamus went for the Brogue Kick and missed, allowing Henry another splash in the corner. Henry went for the World's Strongest Slam, but Sheamus escaped and connected on the Brogue Kick for the win.
Match Analysis: This is the kind of stuff they should have been doing with Sheamus since he won the Royal Rumble. Give Sheamus some more credible wins heading into Mania. Mark Henry was a recent World Champion and that is a credible win for him. Henry's luster has worn off a bit, but the win is still a good one for Sheamus. Survey Says: 3/5
Backstage Teddy Long interrupted John Laurinaitis and David Otunga. Long said he should be the GM of both shows. Long said that they didn't know they mad trash compost that high, referring to Laurinaitis. Ace announced a 10 man battle royal with the winner facing C.M. Punk at Wrestlemania. Laurinaitis then said Otunga would take on anyone from Smackdown tonight.
Rosa Makes It Hard to Concentrate On This Match
MMMMM Rosa. Oh yeah, to the action. The tag Champs took it to R-Truth early. Primo did some basic mat work to Truth. Primo knocked Kofi off the apron, but Truth back dropped him and tagged in Kofi. Kofi hit a flying crossbody then a bunch of kicks and clotheslines. He went for the Boom Drop but Rosa distracted him. Epico tried to attack Kofi but he was tossed to the outside and Truth hit a dive. Primo went for a backstabber but Kofi countered with Trouble in Paradise for the win.
Match Analysis: Well, I guess if Kofi and Truth have nothing else to do, put them in a tag team. They get the non-Title win here to set up a future Title shot. Having the tag Champs lose is irrelevant because the Tag Titles almost mean nothing anyways. Half you guys probably didn't know who the Tag Champs were before that segment. Action was short but ok. Rosa makes this segment at least a 2.5. Survey Says: 2.5/5
Ron Simmons was announced as the next Hall of Fame inductee. I approve. Simmons should have been bigger than he was in the WWE.
Jericho interview. He said you must be pinned to be eliminated from the Chamber. He called Punk a punk and a gutless coward.
David Otunga vs Ezekiel Jackson. RAW vs Smackdown. Otunga won. Nothing to write home about.
More Metallica Please
Undertaker came out. He remembered for a year the beating he took from HHH at Mania. It was a living hell. Not a physical hell, a hell of uncertainty. Undertaker challenged HHH one more time, to end the uncertainty forever. And he didn't expect HHH's answer: No. Taker said we are on the verge of an apocalypse in wrestling. An end of the era. Taker and HHH are the last of their kind. Taker said that the suit changed him. He said HHH needs to come out here and look him in the eyes. Taker said this is the apocalypse.
Triple H came out. HHH began to talk, but Taker told him to shut up. He doesn't need Triple H's pity. Pitiful is HHH's excuses to not face him at Mania. HHH said he was right, this is the end of the era. He said that he needs to make sure that Undertaker is still around. To carry the torch and lead the way. HHH doesn't want to be the one to extinguish the flame. It is bad for business. Taker asked if it is bad for business if he is gone, or is it bad for business if HHH is gone. HHH said it is just plain bad for business. While Taker has been living in uncertainty, HHH has never been more certain in his life. HHH said Taker isn't asking him for redemption or a shot at vengeance. He is asking for an end. If Triple H faces him again, he has to end Taker. And deep down inside, that is what Taker wants. And he isn't going to do it.
Taker said at the end of the day, all HHH is going to see in the mirror is a coward. HHH began to flip out, but he stopped himself as he realized what Undertaker was trying to do. He said the answer is still no. Taker said he finally figured it out. He knows he can't do what Shawn Michaels couldn't do, because HHH knows that Shawn was always better than him. HHH stopped at the ramp and took of his suitcoat and tie and walked to the ring. HHH said he knows he can do what Shawn couldn't do. HHH asked Taker if he wants it to come to an end. HHH accepted the challenge, but said that if they were doing this. They were going all the way, inside Hell In A Cell. Taker patted HHH on the back and walked off.
Segment Analysis: OK, that segment started out slow but picked up at the end. Kind of like last year's build, I expect it to not pick up until the final couple weeks, especially if HBK gets involved. Having the match in a Cell adds more of a mystique to it. You know these two will bring it. A Cell outside will be interesting to see. The "WHAT" chant is as annoying as all hell. I wasn't completely invested into that segment. The build is a bit better compared to last year's with the back story, but they have some ways to go yet. Survey Says: 3/5
Bryan called himself a role model and said he is still World Champion. YES! Short match with Santino that ended with him tapping to the LaBell Lock.
The Bellas used Twin Magic to beat Kelly Kelly and Aksana.
Where Has This Cena Been?
John Cena came out and said that before he was interrupted by the Skankapotamous, he was here to talk about The Rock. He used to love The Rock, but then he turned into Dwayne and joined Team Film It. Cena mentioned Rock's team of people that protect him and write all of his jokes. Cena said he doesn't respect Dwayne, and he has the same problem he's had with Rock the last seven years. He is just leaving for Hollywood again after. Cena always shows up and he never leaves. The first time Dwayne got a taste of Hollywood he left. The he ripped on Rock for leaving after he promised to stay. Cena said the only reason Rock returned was to promote Fast Five and his Twitter account. Cena said he is fighting for everyone behind that curtain that dreamed to be a WWE superstar. Cena said the best part about the RAW after Wrestlemania is when he is at RAW bringing it while Rock is laughing at his stunt double. Cena said the headline will read: "John Cena Beats Rock In His Hometown at Wrestlemania 28."
Segment Analysis: That was a shockingly good Cena promo. Cena wasn't laughing or full of corny jokes. He was serious and to the point. He ripped on Rock for all of his flaws and built to next week's show in the process. Why can't Cena cut more promos like that? If that is any indication of things to come, we are in line for a pretty good build to this Rock/Cena match. Cena was believable and very good there. Survey Says: 3.5/5
The Third Chance Wrestlemania Invitational
C.M. Punk out for commentary for the Ten Man Battle Royal. Punk said Cole's action figure makes him look like Adam Carrola. Punk said Jericho's jacket reminds him of the game Light Bright. Tough to call action in a battle royal so I will do my best. Everyone ganged up on Khali and eliminated him. Cody and Wade tried eliminated Big Show but failed. Kofi and R-Truth double drop-kicked Miz off the apron and eliminated him. A succession of finishers. Santino eliminated Barrett by getting out of Wasteland, then he back dropped Santino over the top. Big Show tossed Dolph over the top. Jericho tossed Kofi over the top rope by launching him over the stairs. Cole said Kofi Rhodes. Punk asked what was Jamaican Cole crazy. Medics tended to Barrett, who looked to have a broken arm. Santino hit the Cobra on Jericho, but Cody tossed Santino over the top rope. Big Show tossed Cody. Jericho tried pulling Show over the top rope, and was able to with the help of Cody Rhodes. Jericho wins. Punk offered a handshake but Jericho refused.
Match Analysis: I think everyone in the building knew how the match was going to end, so it took some of the energy out of it. Barrett looked to be legitimately hurt which is a shame. I think Barrett probably was suppose to help Cody eliminate Show. Typical battle royal stuff with a string of finishers, an underdog babyface and everyone ganging up on the big guys. Survey Says: 2.5/5
Another very average RAW. Nothing stood out but nothing was terribly bad either. The action was short but for what it was it was alright. Who would have ever thought the best part of the show would be a John Cena promo??? Cena knows when to get serious and when to be on his game, and he was there. The Taker/HHH stuff was decent. It didn't pick up until the last few minutes, but that part was good. A Hell In A Cell match between these two should be quite the spectacle. The wrestling action on the show was short. It is nice to see Sheamus finally get a good win. Eve was hilarious in the beginning. It wasn't good, just hilarious. I'm giving the show a 5 for a very good Cena promo, a good HHH/Taker segment, and some average in ring action. An average show like the Elimination Chamber.
And remember kids, hoeskis be crazy. They'll use you to get what they want. But I'm sure there will be a few good rides with that hoeski along the way.
Until Next Time,
Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka