It's another RAW, and another live RAW Review tonight. The only thing advertised is Chris Jericho and the Highlight Reel. Are you ready for the quietest Highlight Reel ever?
The Return to the Ring You've All Been Waiting For
RAW started with C.M. Punk. Punk said that there is a huge WWE Title match this Sunday. Punk said despite Ziggler beating him three times in a month, all of those victories were handed to him by John Laurinaitis, the special referee of his match this Sunday. Punk said Laurinaitis can be described in one word: failure. A failure in life, at his job and as a wrestler. These are all facts. He checked on Wikipedia. But Laurinaitis did something unexpected last week. They replayed Laurinaitis saying he plans on screwing Punk out of the Title. Punk said I guess it pretty much means he is done as WWE Champ. But there is a course of action he can take. You can't ref a match with two broken arms. Punk invited Laurinaitis out there and say everything he said last week to his face. Laurinaitis didn't come out, but John Cena did.
Punk said he didn't ask for John the boy scout, he wanted John the idiot. Cena said he was sick of listening to Punk ramble. He means business and told Punk to watch and learn. Cena asked Laurinaitis to give Ryder a re-match, him a match with Kane, and then resign as the interim GM of RAW. Punk started talking but was interrupted by John Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis said everyone has bad days, but last week was not one of those days. He stands by everything he did and said. Laurinaitis said he apologized to Ryder last week, but he is cleared to compete this week, and he will face Kane in a Falls Count Anywhere Match, and if Cena gets involved Ryder will never get a U.S. Title shot again. Then Laurinaitis made a tag match, Punk/Cena vs Ziggler/Swagger. Ziggler told Punk not to worry about Laurinaitis, but worry about him. This Sunday, he is going to flat out beat Punk. Swagger said Cena is dead meat. Um, ok. Well, a decent opening. Cena kind of ruined it with his stupid serious schtick. But it was above average.
Cena and Ziggler started. Cena hit a bulldog then tagged in Punk. Punk hit some kicks on Ziggler before he rolled out of the ring and we went to a commercial. Back from break, Cena had Ziggler in a head lock. Laurinaitis continued to text. Ziggler fought out and stopped himself from eating a Cena elbow. Swagger worked over Cena in the corner. Swagger applied a headlock. Cena powered out but Swagger tagged in Ziggler who hit multiple elbows on Cena. Ziggler did some sit ups to taunt Cena and got a two. Swgger was tagged in and hit the Swagger Bomb then applied a bear hug. Cena got out of it with an Attitude Adjustment. Both men made tags and Punk hit a flying clothesline, then a high knee and bulldog on Ziggler. Punk went for the GTS but Ziggler countered out. Punk hit a kick to the head, but Swagger broke up the pin. Swagger applied the ankle lock on Cena outside the ring, but Cena countered into the STF. Punk went for the Macho Man Elbow, but the referee was in the way and he shoved him out of the way. Laurinaitis came onto the apron to distract Punk. The distraction allowed Ziggler to role up Punk for the win.
Punk said that this doesn't change anything. Laurinaitis is going to screw Punk, but Punk is going to beat the hell out of Laurinaitis. Punk said he wants Laurinaitis to be something he never was, a WWE superstar. Punk offered a match, him vs. Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis accepted. That was a good opening half an hour. Solid in ring action, continued storyline with Punk/Laurinaitis, and it gave you a reason to stay tuned in for the rest of the night. Good stuff. Survey Says: 4/5
It Can Speak!!!
Chris Jericho came out for the Highlight Reel. He wanted everyone to be quiet but they refused. He went to the back and got the t-shirt gun. He took the camera and hyped the crowd up again. He then replayed a highlight clip of himself on the OBSCENELY EXPENSIVE JERITRON 5000!!! Jericho then finally spoke. He said this Sunday, it is the end of the world as you know it. Jericho continues to play the crowd, proving they are suckers for anything. Jericho is my new favorite to win the Rumble. Survey Says: 3.5/5
They played the awesome Royal Rumble video package they do every year. Backstage, Mick Foley told Zack Ryder that he knows he can beat Kane. Eve told him no to do it. Cena said he has Ryder's back, but Ryder said he has to do it by himself.
I Don't Know It Bro
Ryder tried to jump on Kane early but Kane took it to Ryder. Kane booted Ryder off the apron onto the announce table. Kane kneed Ryder in the ribs then rammed him into the ringpost. Kane then threw Ryder into the steps. Eve came out as Kane backed Ryder into the announce table into a commercial break. Kane dominated back from break. He put his suffocation hold on Ryder then dumped him over the guard rail. Ryder tried to fight back by hitting Kane with a briefcase, but Kane went back to Ryder's ribs. On the stage, Kane threw Ryder into the WWE symbol. Kane went for a pin but Ryder kicked out at two. Kane chokeslammed Ryder threw the stage. He then backed Eve down before Cena came out. Kane left through the crowd. Ryder was stretchered out. That went longer than it needed to make a point. That could have been much shorter, but it was dragged on. Survey Says: 2/5
Back from break, Ryder was put in an ambulance. Eve told Cena it was all his fault as she left with Ryder. Josh Matthews asked Cena for his thoughts, but Cena knocked the mic out of his hands and stared angrily into the camera.
Why Won't This Feud End?
Sheamus and Jinder Mahal next. Sheamus went to work on Mahal. Wade Barrett came down to do some commentary. Mahal got the upper hand with a knee to the head of Sheamus. Mahal applied a chin lock, but Sheamus fought out with some axe handles then it the Brogue Kick for the win. Barrett teased going into the ring but didn't. Sheamus told Barrett to get used to this image: him being the only person left in the ring, and the winner of the 2012 Royal Rumble. Nothing to see here. Same stuff, different show. What do they see in Mahal? Survey Says: 1/5
Backstage The Miz was interviewed. He was interrupted by R-Truth, a WWE "Market Researcher." He called Miz the #1 complainer, whiner and jackass. Laurinaitis came in and yelled at them for distracting his preparation for his match with Cena. He said the loser of their match is the #1 entrant in the Royal Rumble.
Its FUNKASAURUS time! This week's victim? Heath Slater. He tried a drop kick but it no damage. Headbutt, suplex, corner splash and crossbody for the win. William Regal was on commentary after what happened on Smackdown, but nothing happened.
I Want This Feud to End. Thats What's Up!
Miz and R-Truth time. Truth dominated Miz early. Miz fought back with some kicks. Truth fought back with a Lou Thesz Press, but Miz fought back with more kicks then a spear to the outside. Back from break, Miz worked over R-Truth with an abdominal stretch. Truth fought out with a couple of clotheslines. A roll-up got Truth two. Miz fought back with a neckbreaker. He went for a SCF but Truth countered out. Truth ended up hitting the Lie Detector out of nowhere for the win. Miz is the #1 entrant. Can this be the end of the feud please? Survey Says: 1.5/5
Zack Ryder apparently has a broken back. Do they really think writing him off of TV for that long will do anything for him? I don't. I would have liked to see more of a furthering of the Cena/Ryder rift.
Laurinaitis was then preparing for his match but David Otunga handed him a fax that left Ace puzzled.
Where's The ACE CRUSHER???
C.M. Punk came out for his match. John Laurinaitis was introduced three times before he came out. Laurinaitis came out and said he has some bad news in the form of a fax from the WWE Board of Directors. Laurinaitis is under Review as GM of RAW, and next week he will have a formal review by COO Triple H. Punk said that this means nothing is stopping him from kicking his ass. Laurinaitis said that this is a true wake up call, and that he will be a straight GM from now on. He didn't really plan on screwing Punk out of the WWE Title, he was just mad at Punk. He apologized to the WWE Universe, and said that Mick Foley will be in the Royal Rumble. Laurinaitis said he can't fight tonight, but he has an adequate replacement in David Otunga. Otunga attacked, but Punk came back with a spear. He locked in the Anaconda Vice. He stared down Laurinaitis. Punk kicked Otunga in the gut then with a kick to the head. Laurinaitis offered to shake Punk's hand. Punk accepted, then hit the GTS on Laurinaitis. Ziggler came in and hit the ZigZag on Punk and stood tall to end the show. They shouldn't have put any focus on next week's show at all. They should have hyped the Rumble in that final segment. Survey Says: 2.5/5
OVERALL
The first half hour of RAW was very good. There was a good tag match and Jericho was good again. Everything else went down hill. The Zack Ryder/Kane stuff dragged on way too long. I still don't care about the feud because I do not know what it is leading to. Miz/R-Truth may be even worse. No one cares about R-Truth as a face and the Miz has lost so much heat that people are beginning to not care. The Sheamus/Jinder Mahal match was not needed. And I'm even starting to lose interest in Brodus Clay. They need a program for him quick.
The ending should have been saved for next week. Laurinaitis tried to screw Punk at the Royal Rumble but failed, then he has his GM Review in two weeks. That hype at the end should have been for the Royal Rumble. No hype at all whatsoever for the actual Rumble match. Not hyping up your PPV at the end is TNA levels of stupidity. I'm giving this show a 3, basically because 1/4 of the show was good and I'm rounding up.
Royal Rumble Preview coming Thursday. Super Bowl preview next week.
And remember kids, BRODRAMA leads to broken backs. And not all of us are lucky enough to have Eve help us in the healing process.
Until Next Time,
Justin C
Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka
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