Happy Valentine's Day everyone! This week, Shawn Michaels is on to talk to Triple H about The Undertaker. If Shawn Michaels is on, the show at least gets a 5 from me.
After re-capping Kane's creepy Eve encounter last week, we cut to an unnecessary close-up of Kane. Kane said two things will happen tonight: Cena will embrace the hate, and someone will take a ride in an ambulance.
A Debate to Find Out Who Is Clearly An Afterthought
All of the Elimination Chamber participants were in the ring, apparently for a debate and to say why they will win the Elimination Chamber match. Before C.M. Punk could talk, John Laurinaitis came out and said he was thankful to be back as WWE RAW GM. Jerry Lawler asked how Punk feels about the odds being against him in the Elimination Chamber. Punk wanted to say three things. He promised the debate would not end in violence. Then to SnickelFritz John Laurinaitis, he congratulated him on remaining in power. He said all Ace has done is a lot of begging. Third, Punk said he knew he was going to win because he is the best wrestler in the world. Jerry asked for Dolph's rebuttal. Vickie said there should be no booing allowed. Ziggler said everyone knows he is a better wrestler than Punk and he backs it up every night, and unlike R-Truth, he knows what state they are in.
R-Truth said if elected, he would trade Dolph and Vickie to Smackdown for Hornswoggle and a box of spiders. He also said he would make WHAT chants acceptable in the Pledge of Allegiance. He would then stomp on the spiders, put them in a blender, and make spider stew. Then Little Jimmy will watch him eat the stew, and that will give him the energy he needs to win the Chamber. Jerry Lawler went to Miz, saying he was in the main event of last year's Wrestlemania. Miz corrected him, saying he won the main event of Wrestlemania. He called Kofi an afterthought and said R-Truth has no shot. The buzzer went off on Miz but he kept talking. Kofi said he has been over-looked for far too long. Kofi said he is walking out WWE Champ. Hahaha
Jericho said he is surrounded by neophytes. He said there isn't a human being who has been in more chamber matches, or eliminated more than him. The last time he was in one he walked out World Champion. The list of his accomplishments out-weighs everyone elses. Jericho told Punk to give him the Title because he has come back to claim it. Punk said he wasn't listening to a world Jericho was saying. He was remembering how Jericho left and finished 7th on Dancing With the Stars. Dolph said this was a joke. R-Truth said he won't be talked down to by a man named after Flipper. Jericho confronted Punk, but ended up eating a Trouble in Paradise kick from Kofi.
Segment Analysis: Well, that was bad. Miz is as much an afterthought as Kofi. Punk had a good one liner, and Jericho actually sold the match. R-Truth was kind of funny. It was a pointless segment though that really established nothing. That didn't give anyone the impression that someone either than Jericho or Punk are walking out of the match this Sunday as WWE Champion. It is clear they are building to that at Wrestlemania, and that everyone else is an afterthought. Survey Says: 2/5
Jericho Is the Face?
Back from break it was Kofi vs Jericho. Kofi took advantage of a still woozy Jericho early with some kicks. Kofi clotheslined Jericho over the top and then a suicide dive to the outside. Kofi slammed Jericho on the announce table. Kofi mounted Jericho in the corner with punches, but was power-bombed by Jericho. Jericho hit a backdrop and locked in a sleeper. Kofi fought out and hit a crossbody. Kofi went to the top, but Jericho caught him and locked in the Walls of Jericho. Kofi got to the ropes. Jericho complained to the ref, and Kofi got him with Trouble in Paradise. Jericho was able to put his foot on the ropes. Kofi tried to get at Jericho in the ropes while the ref held him back. Jericho snuck in a thumb to the eye, and hit the Codebreaker for the win.
Match Analysis: Nothing too much here. Decent ten minutes worth of action, but nothing more than establishing Jericho as a threat. If they are trying to get a renewed push done for Kofi, this was an ok start. The WWE should be worried about the cheers Jericho is getting. This heel turn isn't working quite well yet. Of course Kofi is a bland face, where as Punk isn't. Survey Says: 2.5/5
Backstage John Cena was with Zack Ryder. Ryder said he can't be away from Eve. Cena feared for Ryder. He told Ryder to stay put, and he would bring Eve to him.
David Otunga brought up the idea of John Laurinaitis being permanent RAW AND Smackdown GM.
BOTCH-K-O
Orton/Big Show with Daniel Bryan watching from ringside. Show started with some punches then a sideslam for two. Show went for the KO Punch but Orton ducked to the outside. Orton had a sleeper locked in back from break. Show broke the hold and fought back with clotheslines, but Orton caught Show with a drop kick. The two went to the outside where Show smashed Orton's face on the announce table. Show stared down Bryan, but Orton caught Show with another dropkick then a kick and a Top Rope DDT. Orton botched an RKO, then ended up doing another. Bryan then caught Orton with the World Title Belt to the head, as well as Big Show.
Match Analysis: The match actually wasn't half bad until that botch. The end was a way to put Bryan over and make him look like he can walk out Champ. There was some good intensity. It was clear the crowd favored Orton over Show. Survey Says: 2.5/5
The WWE Chapter of Hair Club For Men
Shawn Michaels came out to a good ovation. He said he was a bit nervous. Shawn said you can't have Wrestlemania season without Mr. Wrestlemania. He said he's still the Showstopper. Shawn said last week he was waiting for Triple H to accept the challenge of The Undertaker, and he was shocked just like everyone else when he didn't. Shawn thought HHH was just baiting Taker, and he came here to HHH tell everyone that he accepts Taker's challenge.
HHH told Shawn that it would be nice to see him more than at Wrestlemania time. HHH said he still doesn't accept. Shawn asked if it was the suit talking, which HHH said it wasn't. HHH said that he would end Taker's career if he were to face him at Mania, but he isn't that guy anymore. Shawn said that he's the cerebral assasin, how can he not be that guy anymore. Shawn said that he's stuck by HHH forever, and now that he married that chick he turns into a sellout? HHH said it is about investing in the future. HBK said that when a man challenges him and he backs down, he is a coward. HHH tried walking away but Shawn pulled him back. At the end of the day, a coward is still a coward.
HHH said Shawn sits there on his ranch with his kid while he has responsibilities. HHH said all of this is going to be his one day. Shawn looks at Undertaker as an opponent, while HHH looks at him as a brand that is good for business. HHH said him, HBK and Taker marked the end of an era. HHH said he isn't going to be the one that ends the era for no reason, and not so HBK can live bi-cariously through him to live out things that he couldn't get done. HBK said he's sure that speech works on a lot of people, but he's at peace where he is at his life, while HHH isn't. HBK asked HHH to look him in the eye and tell him he doesn't want to end the streak. HHH looked Shawn in the eye and said No. Shawn looked shocked and walked away. Another Taker video segment aired, with Taker saying he wanted immortality and then cutting his hair.
Segment Analysis: Well, just like last year when HBK got involved, that segment brought the goods again. HBK and HHH have a lot of pull and probably worked on exactly what they wanted to get too. The idea that HHH the businessman doesn't want to lose Taker the brand is a very good way to eventually building towards their match. It is smart to do it like that. HBK was typical great HBK in his promo delivery. The segment was a complete 360 compared to last week, and I'm now interested in the match again. Survey Says: 4.5/5
Truth/Ziggler now. Ziggler ducked a charging Truth and hit a drop kick. Dolph locked in a sleeper. Truth fought out but Ziggler hit a dropkick. Ziggler did some sit-ups, but Truth caught him with a roll-up for the win. Too short to grade.
Tamina beat Brie Bella. It's Tamina/Beth Sunday for the Divas Title.
Cena was going to be interviewed about The Rock promo, but instead heard Eve screaming. She was in the ambulance. Kane/Cena brawled. Kane went to drive away, but Eve jumped out into Cena's arms. Eve kissed Cena, but Ryder was right there watching. Oh god, that was hilarious. Back from break Eve tried to talk to Zack. She said it was the heat of the moment, and that she never thought they would be together and that they could be friends. Ouch, never want to hear that.
Not Even C.M. Punk Can Make Miz Interesting
Miz was in the ring for his match with Punk. Miz got some punches in and locked in an armbar. Miz hit a neckbreaker, but Punk hit a kick to the head out of nowhere. Punk favored his left arm and Miz went to work on it. Punk countered a clothesline and hit a reverse neckbreaker, then a high knee and bulldog. Miz countered a GTS into a neckbreaker. Miz hit his clothesline in the corner. Punk ducked Miz coming off the top. Punk went to the top but Miz tried to stop him, but was unsuccessful. Punk hit the Macho Man Elbow. Punk locked in the Anaconda Vice for the win.
Match Analysis: Man has the Miz fallen. He is so bland that he even comes off terrible in his matches. Punk wins and him and Jericho continue to look like the favorites this Sunday. They've barely promoted the PPV, and this RAW has done nothing for it. The fact that the WWE Title Match build isn't closing the show bothers me, but you gotta find a way for more Cena/Kane/Ryder/Eve shenanigans. Survey Says: 2/5
This Stuff Is So Bad It's Hilarious
John Cena came out all depressed. Cena tried apologizing but Ryder wouldn't listen. He said he was sorry. Cena realized Kane's plan was to turn his friends and fans against him. Cena said he has no choice to embrace the hate, just like everyone else. But he isn't everyone else. A "We All Hate You' chant broke out. Cena said it has been six years, and he is comfortable being himself. Cena said he doesn't need to hate. Cena said he will continue to adapt and win. Kane is leaving Elimination Chamber in an ambulance. Cena said he has a message for Dwayne, but Zack Ryder came out and walked to the ring on crutches. Ryder knocked the mic out of Cena's hands then slapped him. Ryder went to punch Cena but Cena blocked it and Ryder fell down.
Kane appeared on the tron. He said Cena has finally embraced the hate, and that Cena has gone even farther than Kane ever imagined. Kane said this Sunday Cena leaves the WWE in an ambulance. Cena asked for a mic, but before he could Kane came on stage and pushed Ryder off the stage. Cena ran to help, even throwing up the "X" sign. Eve came out and cried and the show ended with Ryder being wheeled off.
Segment Analysis: WOW, this stuff can't end soon enough. But I've been laughing at it so much that I might not want it to end. It has turned into one giant soap opera in the WWE. Eve is a huge whore now, Cena is conflicted, and poor Zack Ryder can't catch a break. How does a love triangle sell Cena/Kane on Sunday? Where this stuff goes from here is beyond me. Do you turn Cena heel? Somehow, I feel that Ryder will be the one who turns, which will make no sense. But this storyline makes almost no sense, so I guess it would fit the trend. Survey Says: 2/5
OVERALL
If the goal of this RAW was to build towards Elimination Chamber this Sunday, then the WWE did a terrible job. I don't think that RAW sold anybody on the PPV. No one thinks 4 of the 6 Elimination Chamber participants have a chance on Sunday. The Cena/Kane/Ryder/Eve stuff was so bad it was funny. It might be somewhat disappointing to see it end Sunday. This show did more towards building towards Wrestlemania than RAW, especially with Taker/HHH. That was easily the best segment of the show. The beginning was weak other than Punk/Jericho, and the whole show overall was below average for the second week in a row. This show gets a 4 from me, pretty much all for one segment. But the Cena/Ryder laughs also get a point from me.
And remember kids, it is ALWAYS bros before hoes. It is the golden rule of the Bro Code.
Until Next Time,
Justin C
Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka
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