Monday, March 5, 2012

The RAW Truth Review for 3/5/12

Tonight we get The Rock, Triple H and Shawn Michaels. No, I swear it isn't 1998.

D-X Strip Poker Segment: Part 2?
RAW started with Shawn Michaels. He said today the best thing about the HBK chant is that it gives him an opportunity to catch his breath. HBK said he knows things got heated between him and HHH, but he needed to do that in order to get HHH to challenge Undertaker. HBK asked Triple H to come out and he did.

Shawn said he knew he was tough on HHH a few weeks ago, but he did it because he knew Hunter had to have the match. Shawn ran down all the things that he called Hunter: a coward, a man of integrity. Shawn called Hunter an oak because he called him a coward and didn't change his mind. Shawn said something must have got Hunter to change his mind. Shawn got the production truck to show what got Hunter to change his mind. And of course, we all know that it was Undertaker saying Shawn was better than him, and he can't do what his friend couldn't do.

Hunter said it has nothing to do with who is better between both of them. Hunter said he is tired of people talking behind HBK's back about he is a failure, how everyone says he couldn't do it and wasn't as good as he thinks he is. Hunter said he couldn't stand by and listen to that, because he knows Shawn is the best in ring performer of all time. Hunter says it pains him for people to think of him as a loser. Hunter said because of it, he is going to end an era. Hunter said he is doing it for him as much as he is HBK.

Shawn said he thought they had a problem, but HHH in his nice suit has everything under control. Shawn said it pained him last year to watch Hunter dominate the Undertaker and lose. Shawn says he knows who is going to win this year, because he was named the special guest referee.

Segment Analysis: Well, it seemed like they were building more towards HBK/HHH than Taker/HHH, but now we get the idea why. It seems like HBK, HHH and Undertaker just throw out a bunch of stuff about the business than add in a one liner that gets an "OOOOO" from the crowd because it is an INSIDER reference. It took kind of long to get to the point. But it is always nice to see HBK on my TV. Wasn't bad, but wasn't great either. Survey Says: 3/5

Hey Swagger, That Comb Over Screams 1990s.
Swagger/Santino. Santino hit a hip toss and went for the Cobra early. But John Laurinaitis came to ringside with David Otunga. They distracted the ref, and Dolph landed a forearm punch. Swagger hit a gut wrench power bomb for two. Suddenly, Teddy Long's music interrupted and he came out with Kofi Kingston and Aksana. He got in Ace's face. Back from break. Swagger had Santino in the Ankle Lock, but he countered out of it and launched Swagger into the turnbuckle. Long shoved down Laurinaitis outside, and Santino rolled up Swagger for the win. Laurinaitis tried to reverse the decision, but Long said no and tossed Laurinaits from the building. Everyone did the trumpet celebration.

Segment Analysis: Ok, Santino hasn't been bad lately, but they couldn't have built to that? How about an actual title match at Wrestlemania? Nope, gotta do this GM stuff. It was a good crowd reaction, but it could have been built so much better. But instead, it is wasted as part of a storyline and unadvertised. Dumb booking. Survey Says: 1.5/5

Hey Rock, That's Littering!
Rock History Lesson #1: Rock talked about how the people of Boston had enough of the British and people started the American Revolution. They started the Boston Tea Party. The Rock said he was going to start his own revolution. He was going to take all of John Cena's merchandise and throw it in the Boston Harbor. Midget Cena shorts. A John Cena alarm clock. Rock asked who would want to wake up to that every morning. A Rock garden gnome. Rock said somewhere there is a 40 year old virgin with that in their garden. Then there was John Cena cologne, which smells like fear, fruity pebbles, and piss. That was much funnier than Rock's promo last week. Survey Says: 3.5/5

Eve beat Kelly with a leg sweep. Then Zack Ryder came out and said he was glad they never hooked up, because its broskis before hoeskis. Backstage, Eve tried to talk to Ryder, but she just kissed him instead. Ryder had a big grin on his face after. Really? Are they going to make Ryder into an idiot?

Cena contemplated life. And Wrestlemania. He talked about how everything will be focused on him and The Rock. He is going to Wrestlemania just to be happy to be there, he needs to and wants to win. Cena talked about how he can't be like the Patriots. Going undefeated and losing in the big one. But if he can walk into Rock's home town and have his hand raised, it is mission accomplished. He said no one remembers second place, and that is why he has to win. Wrestlemania 28 will be his legacy. That seemed weird. And kind of unnecessary. We knew all of that about Cena already.

Oh Yeah, There Are Title Matches at Wrestlemania Too
Tag Match Time. Punk and Jericho started. Jericho grabbed the ropes and tagged in Bryan. Punk tagged in Sheamus. Sheamus hit his rope punches on Bryan. Tag into Punk. Atomic drop by Punk and some kicks. Jericho caught Punk with a kick to the back and was tagged in. Back from break. Sheamus and Jericho going at it. Jericho pushed Sheamus off the apron, then Bryan did a charging dropkick at Sheamus. Jericho locked in a sleeper. Sheamus fought out and both men made tags. Punk slammed Bryan then hit the Macho Man Elbow drop for two. All four men ended up in the ring. Sheamus went for a Celtic Cross on Bryan but missed. Jericho broke it up as Shemaus and Bryan went to the outside. Jericho tagged in. Jericho went for the Walls, but Punk countered with a roll up. But Jericho switched momentum and scored a roll up for the win. Jericho ran out and grabbed the WWE Title.

Segment Analysis: Decent match. Jericho has now gotten the upper hand on Punk two weeks in a row, making him look strong heading into Wrestlemania. Another nice building piece to Jericho/Punk, while Bryan and Sheamus are still kind of just there. Survey Says: 3/5

A New Version of Yankee Doodle
Rock History Lesson 2: In front of Paul Revere. And a John Cena cut out. If Cena lead the American Revolution, we would be sipping tea and blessing the queen. Rock would take a time machine back in time, people would be amazed with him because of his mixed ethnicity. Ben Franklin would say he invented electricity. Women would want a piece of him. They'd be singing 'Rocky went to down riding on a pony, stick a feather in his ass and call him a jabroni." Rock is going to kick Cena's ass. Another good segment. This is The Rock we all know and love. Survey Says: 4/5

Miz came out to wrestle Big Show. Cody Rhodes presented "Another Embarrassing Big Show Wrestlemania Moment." Wrestlemania 18: Big Show eating at WWE New York. Miz tried jumping Show, but Show speared him and hit the KO Punch for the win.

Rock History Lesson. He talked about the Rock Revolution over throwing John Cena. He said only in the WWE can he fight and stick his boot up Cena's candy ass. Rock said he has the you know what of John Hancock. If you smell what he is cookin. Not as good as the first two.

Kane beat R-Truth, then Randy Orton came out and hit an RKO. Orton said it is good to be back, in response to Kane last Friday on Smackdown.

Fear and Loathing In Boston
John Cena came out. Cena said he was happy the real Rock was back. Cena said that behind the sunglasses and head whips, what is The Rock really saying about Cena. Rock is obsessed with breakfast cereal, his penis, and how many women he has sex with. Cena asked if he was fighting Rock or The Situation from Jersey Shore. Cena said for the first time last week Rock was shook up. After Cena came out, Rock was stumbling over his words. Cena said Rock got shook up by a prep school thug. Cena admitted to looking ridiculous. Cena said Rock has gotten his swagger back. And now he wants to waltz down and give it to Cena. But that isn't a good idea, because lately Rock's best stuff has been pre-recorded. But Cena wants him to come out, because he needs to know what Rock he is facing at Wrestlemania.

Rock came out. Rock did his catchphrase about being in Boston. Rock said he looks in Cena's eyes and he sees fear. Fear that he will take everything away. Fear that everything Cena worked for the last ten years goes away when he beats him at Wrestlemania. Rock said he sees through Cena. Rock said his confidence has never been higher. A "tooth fairy" chant broke out. Rock said if you strip away everything, at his core Rock is a man who will rip Cena's throat out. But at Cena's core, he will always be Rock's bitch.

Rock left, Cena wrote some stuff on his arm and mocked Rock from last week. Cena said Rock was half right. If Cena loses he does lose everything, but Cena is not afraid and Rock has lost his damn mind. Cena said at Wrestlemania, he is the son of a bitch that makes history and whips The Rock's ass. Cena jumped into the crowd, drank a beer, then went over to his family.

After the show they advertised a Cena Rap and Rock Concert for next week. That will be fun.

Segment Analysis: Another good promo battle from these two. I would say Rock got the slight upper hand this week. Rock was good all night with his history lessons. Cena was good again. His smirking is a bit annoying, but I think now he is doing it just to piss off Rock. Rock went back to the basics this week. He was his typical humorous self but also meant business while doing it. It actually looks like these two legit want to beat the hell out of each other, and that is what you want in a wrestling feud. Next week's Cena Rap/Rock Concert should be can't miss TV. I expect these two to continue and bring their A game up to Wrestlemania. Survey Says: 4.5/5

I thought this was a strong episode of RAW. Rock was ON all night, and it is the type of Rock we have been wanting to see since he returned. It is a shame, however, that they aren't building the Title matches any better. The tag match was good, but you would expect to see more of a build out of it. The opening was good, but it took a bit too long to get where they wanted to get. Having HBK as the special guest referee will add intrigue to the match and it makes you think he will have some kind of agenda. Santino winning the US Title without any build just to further the Laurinaitis/Long storyline was stupid. At least Santino celebrated like the Title meant something. The small stuff with Show/Cody and Orton/Kane in between was good. Despite my complaining in there, I still liked RAW this week. I'm giving the show a 7.

And remember kids, throwing John Cena merchandise into a lake or river is polluting. Throwing John Cena cologne in there may result in the death of all forms of life in that body of water.

Watch for more NFL Off-Season Previews this week.

Until Next Time,
Justin C
Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka

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